Day 4- Which Doctor?

Woken up 5:30am today from a baby kick in the back, very weird sensation! But pregahontous woke up around the same time with a pain in her side, and although it wasn’t debilitating it was persistent. So after hours of convincing, she finally called the doctors.

We were told to come up, shes still in pain, both a little scared to say the least. Traveled up with my mum as my sister had her appendix out last night, and went to wait in the out of hours ‘lounge’, filled with babies and old women, giving us the definite sense of being made wait.

After what seemed forever, we finally got seen by an 11 year old Belfast doctor, who although was very nice, was terribly indecisive, and inexplicably said the word “blood” 17 times. He said he would be worried that she had appendicitis (see above for coincidence) but thinks because it’s not very sore it could just go away. Hopefully it will, can’t be doing with scares like that. Nor can my ears listen to a pregahontous who actually has something to complain about…

Thereafter we had a lovely evening, with Britain’s got talent being quite amusing, Chesney Hawkes on some singing program beforehand, and of course eurovision! Although patriotically, we had nothing to be proud of, I don’t think any country had this year. I won’t go into any gory details, but im positive someone shouted “I want to fuck you” after getting points, honestly!

Any thoughts on eurovision? Any questions? As always you can get me on…

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Playlist;

 Flobots – Handlebars
Jamie T – Hocus Pocus
Reef – Superhero

Fridays bile and Fridays child

Fridays Child; Fridays child is Pol Gill, master of the universe. By day, answerer of calls, fixer of broadband. By night…well this tells a lot more than I ever could…

(Actual recent photo)

Pol asked to be Fridays child and won, simply because of the sheer audacity of his fine self. Pol is the only other long standing fella doing training with me and my mommy, and holds himself quite well. Pol also writes short comics, and I hope to get one online for you all to see in the coming days. Lets hope this shameless plug encourages him to do online comics on a regular basis… but enough about him…

Last night I had a mad dream, where the man got all the craziness and emotional insanity during pregnancy, even though the woman still carried the child. I just think it would be hilarious, imagining all those men out there crying and not knowing what’s wrong with them. My favourite part of the dream was where men got all these emotions even if they didn’t know they had got someone pregnant, like some mad chemical imbalance, which made it all the more amazing.

Friday was relatively boring overall, got up early enough, went to my mums for breakfast and then just sort of stayed there. I tell you, anybody else out there giving/given up the cigarettes, did you get a much bigger appetite? I had bacon and egg and toast and everything, then loads of crisps, then not too long after had a big fray bento’s pie. Was amazing, as If I was filling my nicotine void with tasty foods! Also on Friday night I went to the Playhouse for my boy Pete’s creation, the movie quiz. Was possibly the best night laughing I’ve had in a long time. A live panel show about movies, with all local comedians? Im there in a heartbeat! And I strongly suggest you be there the next time. Ill be posting the pod cast of last night as soon as its ready.

Well I can promise you Saturdays blog will be a bit more interesting as im currently living it and its all a bit mad! Ill keep you updated tonight or in the morning! Until then….

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Playlist;

The Beatles- Mr Moonlight

Bowling for Soup- Here’s your freakin song

Incubus- Are you in?

20110709-131934.jpg

Day 2; Grumpy the Dwarf, and Grumpy the Pregnant Dwarf.

 

So today started off well, to be honest. Woke up early enough, played some videogames to no complaints, got dressed, watched some CSI from the other night, was alright indeed! A man could get used to his holidays like this.

Then pregahontous asked me the one question I’ve been avoiding for a long, long time;

“Do you want to go to town and get me new clothes?”

If you take anything from this blog, this WHOLE blog, on the subject of becoming a prospective daddy, the most important thing is to never, EVER, go clothes shopping with a pregnant woman. You’ll be lucky to come back alive.

(Notice that’s a new smock.)

The reason for this is inexplicable. Lets look at it from a parallel perspective;

I gained a significant amount of weight between 2009 and 2010. I didn’t know this was happening, I didn’t notice is happening until I had gained a belly. When I went shopping for clothes, I simply bought the jeans a size or 2 bigger, as was necessary, as I was now bigger. I didn’t mumble. I didn’t groan. I just looked a bit fat and bought bigger clothes, end of story.

In comparison, it is VERY well documented, and she has known for months, that as you get farther into pregnancy, you get a bigger belly. This shouldn’t be news, it cant be a shock, but somehow, it turns me into a punch-bag for complaints as I’m dragged from shop to shop.

Now you folks out there that know me well will know that for the most part, I can take a proverbial beating and let it wash, and for the most part I can. I don’t usually snap or what have you. But those out there who have been reading, know that I gave up smoking on Tuesday, had no problems really yesterday, and am likely now in a position where I will explode at any minute.

(Note: Smoke from ears not from holding in smoke as a desperate measure to keep my nicotine fix)

Fortunately for our relationship, possibly unfortunately for you, in the interesting story side of things, this is rather anticlimactic. She went to her mothers to get her hair done, and I went home, and had a sleep. I played some guitar, played some Xbox, watched some TV, and wrote this. I am honestly absolutely positively dying for a cigarette, but I abstain. Its hard, but god-dammit someone has to do it.

Still looking for reader questions, and you’ll see Fridays child tomorrow! Sleep well folks, til then catch me on;

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Playlist;

Katy Perry- Teenage Dream

Presidents of the USA- Mixed up SOB

Aerosmith – Livin on the Edge

Day 1 – Help me smoky wan kenobi, you’re our only hope…

So I’m sure you want to know how hungover I was, because Facebook news feeds don’t give you nearly the amount of hangover status’ (or stati) that’s necessary to keep you entertained.
I had planned to do training at 9.30 am with my mommy and sister, however woke up a bit late, 12 to be precise. I wasn’t worried, even though this hangover was in ferocious territory, surely I wouldn’t have to do any physical excercise today… However within minutes of waking, pregasaurus rex (aptly named as she was roaring about my lack of enthusiasm toward life out of bed) tells me I have to help our friends move house.


Oh shit

Now those who know me may well know that moving house has been a hobby of mine in the last few years, I obviously get a kick out of it, and am therefore a perfect candidate for helping someone else move. But god did I underestimate this hangover.


In a strange turn of events however, I found that this “not sitting about” stuff that all the kids seem to be doing these days helped me enormously in my struggle against giving up the cigarettes, in fact, it wasn’t until writing this blog that I really got a craving. Hurrah!
I learnt today that 5month old babies LOVE the word “chicken”. I also learnt that Ultimate warrior disease (Hellwigmania) is not reserved for pregahontous, but applies to many a woman, and again needs to be approached with caution.
Im hoping now that anyone reading this could start asking questions and leaving comments, because it could make for more entertaining reading! So please, don’t be shy, I don’t bite! This however does not apply to Hellwigmaniacs.


Also, I’m now taking applications for my Friday blog, looking for “Fridays child” so to speak. Let me know if ye want blogged about!

Todays Playlist;
Barenaked ladies – Enid
Bob Marley – Buffalo soldier
Van morrison – Moondance

Day minus 1, origins of supernate!

Last day now smoking, and unlike yesterday that first smoke was not magical. It wasn’t beautiful. It didn’t fill my soul with wonder. In fact, it tasted of betrayal, like the nicotine god smiting me.

Although just like yesterday morning, the mixture of late night wrasslin and “cidre” led me to the “coat pillow” theory, which I utilised effectively.

Pregahontous was in foul mood today, a mixture of leg cramps and work issues have left my ears pabused. I honesty believe I could deal with pregnancy better than i deal with listening to pregnancy.

Give me the bump!

(father has ‘the bump’ I desire)

What did we learn today?

1. Upon waking I learnt that 3 hours is the amount of sleep needed to incoherently phone a taxi

2. In work, being nice is a good trait for call centre work, a bad trait for dealing with superiors, and impossible to deal with pregnant women who have been wronged.

3. It’s hard to do jiujitsu with your mommy, pretending to hurt her makes you feel like a cyclepath, and realising she can kick your ass is demoralising… When she’s had 3 strokes, 5 children and vertigo.

So, wish me luck. I’m setting sail tonight with captain Mayfair and deckhand budweiser. This is the end….

 

(I wouldn’t want this guy as my father, either)

Playlist;

Gerry Rafferty- Baker Street

Incubus- Make yourself

Will Smith – Getting jiggy with it

 

Day minus 2. (2nd last day of smoking)

Woke up this morning after writing the introduction above 
until just before 2am, and committing myself to walking to 
work the following morning. In a quite trivial turn of pursuits,
pregahontous had to make me get up, with many, many protests.
Without checking outside, I chose a coat that was sufficiently 
padded, sheerly on the thought that it would make the best 
pillow if I can sneak a nap during work hours. Several feet out
the door, after my morning coffee and sweet, luxurious, 
how-will-I-ever-give-you-up-after-tomorrow cigarette, I 
instantly regret this decision.
Work was generally what is to be expected, being chastised or 
nothing at all, because call centres only reward failure. 
Luckily, i fall into the percentile of people who could care 
less either way, as long as I'm paid, i'll listen to anyone 
say anything.

(Exceptions do apply.)

I'll set this up now;

I do not wish to discuss work in every day of these blogs, if you
want to hear people complain about working, read your Facebook news
feed...

So I walked free from the burdens of everyday work to rain of 
weathergirls proportions, so as to say "hallelujiah" for not 
following through on walking home, (the little pleasures are what 
keep us going!) Plus pregahontous would be almost definitely be
complaining of incontinence seconds from leaving the building 
plentiful of toilets.

*Disclaimer* 
Women notoriously become crazier during pregnancy, Losing 
rationale, bladder control and sense of "go ahead honey, you can 
have fun without me". This is increased significantly when said 
woman was "Ultimate Warrior"* crazy while unfertilised.

*Ultimate warrior disease, or Hellwigmania, is a serious, 
totally batshit disease. Treat with caution.

Now, after a quick tidy up, and opening a bottle of Stella Artois 
"cidre" I am ready to settle in to watch me some wrasslin. I won't 
bore you with the details hereafter, however from next week I'll
be teaming with Pete Elite to host a podcast show of said content, 
more on that later!

Today's playlist;

Tearjerker- Red Hot Chili Peppers
JCB Song - Nizlopi
Take Good Care of My Baby - Beatles

In the beginning…

So, you’re reading this probably means you know me, 
or I get famous in the future and you’re stalking the 
life out of everything I’ve done. 
Don’t venture before 2011, its all porn and bad singing… 
You’ve been warned.

I’ve decided to do this as a way of documenting, and in my 
own way interpreting life from now, as a smoking, drinking, 
smelly 20-something wreck, to whatever I turn into between 
now and roundabout July 22nd,  the date my son is due to be 
born. No matter what, I must stop smoking (entirely!), start 
drinking less, and become more 
whateveryoucallitwhensomeonetriestobestthemselves. 
In other words from this;

Penguin Nate

To something more like this;



(Picture from Theatre archives, not hidden life.)

Now as a result this will take all my scheming, wheeling, dealing, 
styling profiling… well you get the drift. 
And I plan to take you through this transformation. Hell I might 
even throw in some vague references and tell you anything I 
learn of interest, and hopefully this doesn’t get tedious. I would 
really appreciate any feedback, questions, etc and although this is 
the start, it can only get better…in theory!